4 Effective Skills To Become More Assertive
Assertiveness is a crucial skill in both personal and professional relationships, acting as a bridge from ineffective communication to empowerment and respect. This blog post delves into how transitioning to assertive communication can profoundly transform your interactions, enhancing both self-respect and mutual respect. By understanding and practicing assertiveness, individuals are empowered to express their needs and opinions clearly and confidently, fostering healthier, more effective exchanges in all areas of life.
The Four Main Styles of Communication
Understanding different communication styles is crucial in learning assertiveness:
Passive Style
Individuals who adopt a passive communication style often appear shy, submissive, and self-denying. They may avoid conflicts, frequently apologize, or seem intimidated by situations. Passive communicators typically aim to please and seek approval from others, which leads them to steer clear of confrontations. As a result, they often end up with hurt feelings, feeling taken advantage of, and experiencing disappointment and frustration. As a primary communication style, passivity can prevent individuals from directly expressing their needs, leading to unmet expectations.
Passive communicators tend to prioritize others’ feelings and needs over their own
Aggressive Style
The aggressive style of communication is often seen as the antithesis of the passive style. Characterized by force, sarcasm, and defensiveness, this mode of communication frequently involves blaming others and displaying a lack of empathy and concern for fairness. Those who adopt this approach may appear as conflict-seekers, and their behavior can include insulting others, issuing threats, manipulating situations, or shouting to assert their desires or express their feelings and needs. While this communication style might enable individuals to achieve their goals, it typically comes at the expense of others’ feelings and needs.
Aggressive communicators often prioritize their own feelings and needs above those of others.
Passive-Aggressive Style
The passive-aggressive style of communication blends elements of both passive and aggressive styles. This approach often results in unclear and confusing messages, making it difficult for listeners to understand the communicator's intent. Passive-aggressive communicators typically harbor underlying anger or frustration, which they express in indirect ways. Although they may seek to influence others, they are often unwilling or unable to take responsibility for their persuasive efforts. Instead of openly expressing their feelings, they might resort to methods like the "silent treatment" or "withdrawal" as a way to signal their dissatisfaction.
Passive-aggressive communicators typically fail to prioritize or respect their own needs, as well as those of others.
Assertive Style
The assertive style of communication is generally the most effective, characterized by direct, calm, and adaptable interactions. Individuals who adopt this style are often viewed as respectful, objective, responsible, and accountable for their own emotions. Assertive communicators are typically well-aware of their emotional triggers, can effectively self-regulate, and maintain composure while establishing clear boundaries and respectfully affirming their stance with a "yes" or "no." Over time, this method of communication enables individuals to express their feelings and needs in a manner that leaves them feeling positive about the interaction. Being assertive also means recognizing that while we cannot change others, we can enhance our relationships and approaches through effective communication techniques.
Assertive communicators effectively prioritize and respect both their own feelings and needs as well as those of others.
4 Skills To Become More Assertive
Developing assertiveness is a structured process that involves several key steps, as outlined in the following Assertive Communication Formula:
Identify Specific Actions: Recognize specific actions or behaviors that lead to discomfort or conflict. Be factual and objective about what specifically triggers your reactions.
Example: "When you..."
Express Feelings: Articulate clearly how these actions make you feel. It's important to own your emotions and express them without placing blame.
Example: "I feel/felt..."
Explain Reasons: Optionally, you can explain why these actions affect you. This step helps deepen understanding on both sides and communicates the impact of the actions more clearly.
Example: "Because..."
State Needs: Assertively state what you need moving forward, focusing on positive outcomes and clear expectations.
Example: "What I want/need from you is..."
Example Application: "I feel frustrated when meetings start without a clear agenda because it seems like our time isn't being used efficiently. I would prefer if we could have a brief overview sent out before the meeting."
Benefits of Being Assertive
Becoming assertive offers numerous benefits, including improved mental health, stronger relationships, and increased career success. Assertive individuals are better able to manage stress, negotiate effectively, and avoid the psychological distress associated with passive or aggressive communication. Over time, assertive communication builds self-esteem and empowers individuals to make positive changes in their lives and the lives of others around them.
Conclusion
Assertiveness is a journey of self-discovery and growth. By understanding your communication style, identifying areas for improvement, and practicing new behaviors, you pave the way for more respectful and effective interactions. Collaborative Care Therapy invites you to continue exploring how individual psychotherapy can support your journey toward assertiveness.
Visit our Individual Psychotherapy page for more information, or contact us to book a free consultation. Empower yourself today by learning how assertiveness can enhance your personal and professional life.